I AM THE ELEPHANT IN THE ROOM

Some days, well, most days, I feel like I don't have a friend in the world. I am so lonely. 

I wasn't before. Not before Bob died. Besides his companionship, I felt like my social calendar was perfectly filled--which is to say not too too filled, but just-right filled. 

For people of my age and newly retired, that meant carrying on with the same social engagements as before retirement, whether with my spouse or with our friend-couples. Going out. Staying in and entertaining. It was easy enough to do before my spouse passed away. 

But now, I am the elephant in the room. Even with my own family. You'd kind of wonder why I am always alone on weekends since I have three adult children with two in-law children and four grandchildren? I mean, it's not as if their social life died in January. 

I used to tell the kids, "To have a friend you first need to be a friend." Applying that principle to my own life makes me realize just how much of emotional support goes between spouses. Like, 100% most of the time. I am lucky to have a very understanding sister but she doesn't live in my province and we see each other rarely. If she lived closer I probably wouldn't be lonely unless I chose to be and believe me, right now I am NOT choosing to be lonely. 

Hopefully this is just another stage in grief but I doubt it. I think that I am presently the elephant in the room and will graduate to being the marginalized social outcast (if I'm not there already). I'm not really sure why. Applying the usual rules of social engagement--those same rules that I grew up with--if you were lonely, you phoned someone and went to visit them. You invited people for dinner and then they invited you back, the next week or so, to their place. I think I've done my part but the reciprocation just isn't there. Younger people are just what I used to call "takers". They are happy if you are the one cooking and cleaning and inviting them to dinner but when it comes to inviting you back, they don't. 

Anybody have a peanut to share? (Do elephants eat anything else? I could clean the house, cook it for dinner and invite you over.)